Menstrual “Menace” Tips for Men

I retrieved this from my archive! I wrote is three years ago and thought is was time to post it. I hope you like it…….

For some weird reason, I’ve been feeling the urge to talk about something that women have dealt with for years and is still misunderstood by most men… and some women. I have come to realize that not every woman goes through the same feelings, symptoms, and pain as others when the monthly visitor appears.

I have observed a few cases were the symptoms either increase or reduce with age. Those that do feel pain and have mood swings do not feel the same pain or have the same mood swings every month. Note: even we (women) have no idea what symptoms could manifest, because hormones are not consistent. Sometimes it’s stomach cramps, other times it’s backache, general body ache, vomiting, diarrhea or all these symptoms all at once. Monthlies could be really brutal and sometimes not.

My worst experience? Vomiting, backache, stomach ache in sharp surges (like contractions), no appetite, and diarrhea. I lay on the floor crying and nothing helped. Plus of course I couldn’t keep anything down, so even the water I tried to sip would come out a few minutes later. I was miserable. Recently, I noticed that I would get migraines and flu like symptoms among others.

So how can you help as a friend, brother, boyfriend or father?

1. Don’t expect us to do anything and help out— When in this situation, I am not in the mood neither do I feel up to cleaning, cooking or talking much. If I do have the energy to do sometimes (I get a strong urge to clean when my period first starts but then while into cleaning, the pain takes over), this does not mean I am fine or will be able to do these things the next day or in a few hours. I am not miraculously cured because I seem fine now.. the pain will return. Also, appreciate the fact that I have braved how crappy I feel to get things done… I deserve a little celebration.
2. Let me sleep! — The only time I don’t feel pain or uncomfortable is when I am asleep. So all those chewing noises, trying to talk to me, nah fam…. please stop. I want a dark, silent room, and whatever I am craving.
3. I don’t want to go out but I do…encouragement and understanding would be nice— Sometimes the pain is intense and a few hours later it’s just not there. Take it all in stride because it’s not my fault. Even if I’m upbeat now, a few minutes down the road I might take a turn so if I cannot make up my mind about going out, it’s because I am unsure how my body will be in a few hours.
4. I didn’t stain it on purpose — I cannot determine the rate at which the blood flows. If I stain something, well I stained it but not intentionally, complaining really wouldn’t solve any problem. I was prepared and had a pad on! Plus, I wash your pee off the toilets every once in a while so…
5. Treat me with care — please rub my back (ask first, I may not feel like being touched at that moment), bring me chocolates, and encourage me to shower or take a bath (don’t push because I may have already had to take two because I got stained earlier).
6. Don’t ask me about my pimple — even without the possibility of a pimple being due to mentruation, it is unneccessary to ask a person about breakouts. Out of concern, and with tips to help because you have been there, yes, otherwise, no please. A male friend looked at me some time last year and asked “how did that big pimple get there?”… questions like that are unnecessary and unhelpful.
7. There other ways to find out if erratic behaviour is due to my cycle — a norm these days is to ask a female if she is unusually erratic, anxious, or moody because it’s that time of the month.Sometimes I find it endearing that another person knows me well enough to notice a change in my behaviour. I think this is entirely up to the individual. Some women hate for their behaviour to be explained away as a result of hormones and others are okay with it because that may be true for them. I believe one could just ask the lady in question how to approach this. Is she okay with being called out on weird behaviour?

Women are confusing, I know. I am confused about myself sometimes too. I believe that the best gift to give us is love, which assures empathy and the inclination to care for us.

Thank you for going through this little piece of mine. If you disagree or have additions, please let me know and I appreciate you for that!

This may seem like a complaint, but it’s not… it’s really an appreciation of the people that want to help us but are not quite sure how to. We appreciate the fact that you stayed… even when we acted out of character and did not seem to appreciate you. Thank you and Happy International Women’s Day!